Attitude of Gratitude

This time of year, we find ourselves gearing up for the upcoming holiday season. Thanksgiving is just days away, and the kids are already getting a bit giddy with excitement. In the spirit of the season, we’re focusing on having what Zig Ziglar termed an “attitude of gratitude.” We’re considering the full extent of our good fortune, living as we do here in the burbs of NorCal in the 21st Century. (the image above is a list the Little Samurai made in class of all the things they’re thankful for!)

We humans are problem-solvers. This is advantageous for obvious reasons, and the evidence of our success is all around us. World-wide, child mortality rates continue to drop, while we are also living longer, healthier lives. Over the last century, the number of people living in extreme poverty has halved, and now the majority of the world lives in the middle class. (Rosling, 2018) While we’re surrounded by the fruits of our labors, we still see the many problems that need to be fixed, and the tendency to focus on them often leads us to believe things are worse than they are. Thus, it’s healthy to remind ourselves from time to time of all that we have to be thankful for.

On a personal note, we are thankful for the opportunity to participate in this Brazilian Jiujitsu experience. We are grateful to be living in a time and place where it’s possible for a person to provide for their family by sharing their passion for the sport of Jiujitsu. We are grateful for the wonderful families who have become a part of our extended BJJ family, and for the amazing friendships we’ve developed along the way. We are thankful for all of our training partners who help push us on the mat, fine-tuning our BJJ game, and becoming better versions of ourselves. We appreciate each and every one of you who chooses to join us on this adventure, and we will continue to do everything we can to give back to the community in kind.

Obrigado. Thank you for becoming a part of our family, and for your continued support.

See you on the mat.

Rosling, H. (2018). Factufulness: Ten reasons We’re Wrong About the World – and Why Things are better Than You ThinkNew York, NY: Flatiron Books.

Lions, Tigers, and Bears, Oh My!

Who remembers the kids on the backs of milk cartons? If you grew up in the 70’s & 80’s you surely pondered those poor kids’ fates as you poured your umpteenth bowl of Cap’n Crunch®.  These images were part of the missing children campaign, which quickly gained the nation’s attention in the early 80’s, transforming America’s perception of reality. Our children were in danger – Stranger Danger, and something had to be done.

The Birth of an Epidemic

The 80’s saw an explosion of public awareness to the plight of children as victims. Advocacy groups for the victims of abuse & neglect, child snatching (by a noncustodial parent), runaways, and child abduction were all working to bring their individual issues to prominence.  Through their concerted efforts, and with the horrific stories of Etan Patz and Adam Walsh being burned into the public psyche via the newly created 24-hour news cycle (CNN was founded in 1980) , Congress created the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children (NCMEC) in 1984. What had previously been recognized as separate issues became the monolith that it is today, and this was intentional. Kristen C. Brown of Child Find (a child snatching advocacy group) said it herself in a 1981 Senate hearing:

“It is absolutely critical that we establish a policy which guarantees that the various criteria used to determine whether or not a child is to be considered a missing child be subject to the most generous interpretation. We must not begin by discriminating kinds of missing children.”  (Best, 1990)

The specter of a dangerous stranger became the social norm; the result of an emotional campaign based on disingenuous manipulation of the statistics. There was never a huge increase in these horrific crimes. They greatly overstated the estimates, lumping in runaways (90%), and kids taken in custody disputes (5%) with the visceral images of actual stranger abductions (less than 1%), thereby inspiring us to take action.

“Now Gentlemen, I am going to indulge in one of the favorite techniques used in the past to generate a reaction on the part of legislators. I am going to tell you a story from real life, imply that it represents the tip of an iceberg and infer that only you can offer redress, justice or correction. It worked before, why not again?

-Charles A Sutherland (U.S. House 1986c, 92)

The martial art industry was perfectly positioned to help in the war on this apparent epidemic. Throughout the 80’s and 90’s we were all caught up in the fervor, doing our part to teach our students about Stranger Danger. (What a terrible message to convey to our children.) While we may have had the best of intentions, we were wrong. In fact the NCMEC finally admitted this in 2017 (better late than never).

I am afraid that once again we martial art instructors are going to end up on the wrong side of history. Today’s buzzword is Bullying. A quick google search brings up 1000’s of books, websites, and programs devoted to the menace, and advising you on how best to protect your child. The rhetoric and statistics used to warrant the products being peddled are just as scary as those used for missing children back in the 80’s. State legislatures have passed laws directing school districts to establish policies to address the epidemic. Even the martial art industry is on board, developing programs to help “bully-proof” students – and why wouldn’t we? We are supposed to be experts in self defense, right? While all of this is done with the best of intentions, we’re often missing the mark. Our over-reaction to a threat that barely exists is in many ways harming the very children we’re trying to take care of.

Currently there is too much misleading hype and rhetoric surrounding the concept of bullying. This has led to public misconception as to what the threat is and it’s severity.  As this plays out in the public forum, the public’s understanding of what bullying is, and what it is not, should evolve into a better, more concise picture. This clarity will enable us to develop better responses. The question is, are we leading the way, or will we end up on the wrong side of history?

Next week: How martial arts should help lead the way.

See you on the mat.

 

Best, J. (1990). Threatened Children: Rhetoric and Concern About Child-Victims. Chicago, IL: The University of Chicago Press

Dweck, C. (2007). Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. New York, NY: Ballantine Books

Haslam, N. (2016). Concept Creep: Psychology’s Expanding Concepts of Harm and Pathology. Psychological Inquiry, 27(1). Retrieved from: https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=2690955

Porter, S. (2013). Bully Nation: Why America’s Approach to Childhood Aggression is Bad for Everyone. St. Paul, MN: Paragon House

Throwing Out the Baby

October is upon us, and with it comes the fall weather, and the knowledge that Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas are right around the corner. Indeed, we’re already seeing it in the marketplace as vendors stock their shelves with seasonal holiday products too far in advance. (Santa will be on the shelf before our kids have finished trick-or-treating.) October is also National Bullying Prevention Month, so we’re sure to be bombarded in the media with scary statistics, and anecdotal tales, while those professing to have a fix peddle their wares.

As a parent and a martial art instructor, I want to know the facts in order to best prepare my children and students for the world in which we live. For the month of October, our posts will be an attempt to add some clarity on the subject of bullying.

In his paper Concept Creep: Psychology’s Expanding Concepts of Harm and Pathology, Nick Haslam discusses how concepts like bullying have been expanded to “encompass a much broader range of phenomena than before.” They are extended outward to include new phenomena and downward to include less extreme phenomena. Potential benefits of such expansion include recognizing formerly tolerated negative behavior as problematic, and increased sensitivity to others suffering or maltreatment. There are, however, a number of problems that come with this expansion.

Some Bullies tease, but not all teasing is bullying.

Teasing is one of the casualties in the ever-expanding definition of Bullying. The two are often used synonymously in the media and much of the available “anti-bully” literature. This semantic overlap has led to much confusion and mis-information for parents. It is also a headache for teachers and school administrators. As they work to establish legally mandated “learning environments free from distractions,” they create so-called zero-tolerance policies regarding bullying. In other words, NO TEASING ALLOWED.

There is an extensive body of academic literature studying the many cultural facets of teasing and it’s beneficial role in human communication. As explained by Kruger, Gordon, and Kuban (2006),

“To be sure, some teasing is designed with the sole purpose of hurting, humiliating, or harassing the target of the tease. But often, individuals tease to flirt, socialize, play, enhance social bonds, teach, entertain (themselves, the target, or an audience), or to express affiliation, affection, and even love (p. 412).”

In The Good, the Bad, and the Borderline: Separating Teasing from Bullying (2009), Mills and Carwile thoroughly discuss teasing, it’s relationship to bullying, and it’s value as a communicative device. While teasing can be used by bullies in a negative, aggressive manner, teasing also plays a very beneficial roll in our interpersonal interactions. For a more in-depth look click here.

Teasing is very nuanced, utilizing humor, innuendo, sarcasm, and irony to indirectly communicate the intended message. Even as adults we oftentimes misinterpret the intent of someone’s witty or sarcastic quips. How can our children grow into strong, high-functioning adults, if they aren’t given the opportunity to develop this skill?

Rather than eliminating all forms of teasing in a misguided attempt of protecting our children, as parents and educators we need to do the hard work of distinguishing between the positive, beneficial forms and the negative. We need to allow children the opportunity to fine-tune these skills themselves, and help guide them through the sometimes murky waters of human communication. This understanding will make them stronger, more resilient, and more safe, enabling them to more effectively discern healthy human interaction from the threat of a bully. Otherwise, we’re just throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

See you on the mat.

image credit: stopbullying.gov


Haslam, N. (2016).  Concept Creep: Psychology’s Expanding Concepts of Harm and Pathology, Psychological Inquiry, 27(1). Retrieved from: https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=2690955

Kruger, J., Gordon, C., & Kuban, J. (2006). Intentions in teasing: When ‘‘just kidding’’ just isn’t good enough. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 90, 412􏰀425.

Mills, C. B. (2009, April). Communication Education. Retrieved from: https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Carol_Bishop_Mills/publication/263612607_The_Good_the_Bad_and_the_Borderline_Separating_Teasing_from_Bullying/links/58a72725a6fdcc0e078ae9c7/The-Good-the-Bad-and-the-Borderline-Separating-Teasing-from-Bullying.pdf

Grappling With Your Ego

I absolutely love Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, as a practitioner and as a teacher. It is a powerful martial art which can help us come to grips with who we are, both on the mat and off. As Joe Hyams so eloquently wrote in Zen in the Martial Arts,

A dojo is a miniature cosmos where we make contact with ourselves – our fears, anxieties, reactions, and habits. It is an arena of confined conflict where we confront an opponent who is not an opponent but rather a partner engaged in helping us understand ourselves more fully. It is a place where we can learn a great deal in a short time about who we are and how we react in the world. The conflicts that take place inside the dojo help us handle conflicts that take place outside.”

Part of the beauty of BJJ is randori, free-sparring, or what we normally refer to as simply “rolling.” The nature of the art allows us to go all-out with our partners every class, and with minimal risk of injury. This assures that our technique is effective, while also honing the psychological requirements of combat. This is when we get to let loose our inner-child and just play.

Naturally, competition demands an emotional investment on the part of the participants. Thus, we’re jubilant when successfully executing a new technique, coming to a higher level of understanding, or “getting the tap,” but on the flip-side, can find ourselves greatly frustrated, or even angry, with our apparent lack of progress, when we find ourselves continually tapping on the receiving end.

Tap early, tap often, and train longer! We all want to win, but it’s vital that we learn to check our ego. Realize that even when we tap, we are still working toward whatever goal we’ve set. In fact, not tapping can be counterproductive – if we’re sidelined with an injury because we didn’t want to lose, we’re not making any progress on any level.

“I never lose. I either win or learn.”

– Nelson Mandela

Often our competitive nature leads us to hold out too long when defending against an arm-bar or choke. If our partner has the submission sunk in, and we’ve exhausted our counters/escapes, we’re better off tapping and moving on rather than trying to just power through. While strength and sheer will are both powerful attributes, unless we’re training for an upcoming competition, relying solely on them means we’re not developing the technical side of our game.

Don’t lose sight of the bigger picture. We all have our reasons for training: fitness, self-defense, sport, camaraderie, martial art, etc.. Our purpose and goals for training must align with our changing lifestyles, and our obligations to family and profession. As we get older, we must also adapt to our body’s shifting needs and capacity. Just as we refine our jiujitsu “game,” so too must we learn to modify our expectations and find a healthy balance between family, work, and BJJ.

Brazilian jiu jitsu reminds us to celebrate victory with a bit of humility, while accepting defeat with dignity. Our wins come not only from our own efforts, but from the help of our teammates and guidance of our coaches. Tapping from our “mistakes,” gives us the opportunity to learn, and to continue pursuing our goals with intensity.

See you all on the mat!

Water

“Water its living strength first shows,
When obstacles its course oppose.”

– Johanne Wolfgang von Goethe; God, Soul, and World – Rhymed Distichs

Water is essential to life here on planet Earth. We humans can go weeks without food (contrary to popular belief), but only a few days without water. We use it to grow crops, and have harnessed it’s kinetic energy to produce electricity. We also use it for recreation, swimming in our pools, water skiing on lake Folsom, or surfing in Santa Cruz. Water can be therapeutic, whether we enjoy soaking in a hot bath, or being mesmerized by the rhythm of waves lapping on the beach.

Authors and poets wax eloquent on the many wonders of water, while philosophers utilize it in allegory and maxim. Often, such artistry is used to convey an important life-lesson. For example, the ancient Chinese text of the Tao Teh Ching tells us,

“Nothing in the world is weaker or gentler than water.
But nothing exceeds it at conquering the hard and strong.
That is because nothing displaces it.
That the weak overcomes the strong,
And the gentle overcomes the hard,
Is something that everyone knows
But no one can put into practice.

Tao Teh Ching, 78. Translated by A. S. Kline. (2003)

This passage provides us with some beautiful imagery. It is also a perfect example of a logical fallacy. Water may very well be “soft and yielding,” but it isn’t these characteristics which enable it to accomplish such a feat. Water renders seemingly indestructible mountains to mere grains of sand over an unfathomable amount of time by slowly, imperceptibly etching away at them. It would be more accurate to ascribe water the human characteristic of persistence or perseverance.

“A river cuts through rock
 not because of its power but because of its persistence.”

– Jim Watkins, Author

It is hard to imagine, but the reality is that even the mighty Sierra-Nevada mountains will eventually be reduced to rubble by the erosion of the water flowing down its streams and rivers.

The Grand Canyon, courtesy of the Colorado River, and 5-6 million years.

If we wish to be successful in great endeavors, whether it’s our career, our family, or our jiu jitsu, we must remind ourselves that our progress is often imperceptible; in this manner we are like water. While we might feel like we’re not getting it, or that we’ve plateaued, so long as we keep flowing along, we are indeed etching away at that granite.

See you on the mat.


Tzu, Lao. Tao Teh Ching. Translated by A. S. Kline, Poetry in Translation, 2003.

Strength through Adversity

“Sometimes you’re the hammer, and sometimes you’re the nail.”

– anonymous

Everybody who trains in Brazilian Jiujitsu gets it. There are those days when everything “clicks.” Our defense seems impenetrable, and our offense unstoppable. We are the hammer. Then there are those days when nothing seems to work. Our opponents pass our guard like the proverbial hot knife through butter, and we spend the day on the run, while fine-tuning our arsenal of various tap-outs. We are the nail.

This is the nature of Jiu Jitsu: we are continually pushing our limits, as we work to build a better, stronger self. In order to improve, we need to fine-tune our strengths and improve our weaknesses; we need strong partners to train with and put those skills to the test. Just as one needs both a hammer AND nails to build a house, we need to experience the full spectrum of training in order to build ourselves.

In this regard, BJJ is analogous to our daily lives, where we will experience both success and failure. We must learn to rejoice in our victories with a bit of gratitude and humility. We should enjoy the rewards of our successes, while being grateful for the people and circumstances that helped us get there.

On the flip side, it’s important to remember that we can survive those times when things don’t go as planned. , We should appreciate the learning opportunity our defeats provide. Indeed, even when it seems our life is in a total shambles, so long as we persevere, we will do more than merely survive; we will be stronger. Adversity provides the most empowering lessons of all. As Nassim Nicholas Taleb points out in his book Antifragile: Things That Gain From Disorder:

“Antifragility is beyond resilience or robustness. The resilient resists shocks and stays the same; the antifragile gets better.”

– Nassim Nicholas Taleb

Whether you’re the hammer or the nail, embrace the grind. You’ll be that much better because of it.

See you on the mat.

Like a Laser

What a wonderful, crazy world in which we live. We go to work and we play. We go shopping, come home, and fix dinner. We rest. All the while, our families, friends, and neighbors are there, taking the time to make us part of their lives as well. Technology beckons, as the television, radio, computer, and smart phone also vie for our attention. There are books, blogs, and articles to be read, videos to watch, and games to play. The phone rings, pings, or vibrates to alert us to yet another call, text, or email to be answered. We become engulfed in the ebb and flow of traffic as we commute to work, and transport our children to school.

We are continually surrounded on all sides by a seemingly endless barrage. It often seems as though everything is demanding your immediate attention. In this ongoing sea of activity, it can be easy to lose sight of where you are, or where you’re headed. Our ability to focus is a powerful tool that can help us effectively traverse such a multifaceted  landscape.

Focus your eyes, focus your mind, focus your body.

One of mantras we teach our younger martial artists is, “Focus your eyes, focus your mind, focus your body.” It’s a reminder of the importance of paying attention to the task at hand. When we spar at the studio, or compete at a tournament, we must have a singular focus. We need to keep our eyes focused on our training partner/opponent, our mind focused on our game plan, and our body properly prepared for the ensuing match. A break in any one of the three greatly decreases our chances of success.

While the intensity of competition demands it, this level of concentration is helpful in more common aspects of daily living as well. We really should strive to focus in such a manner on all endeavors throughout the day. Being continually distracted by extraneous factors, makes us less efficient at getting the job done. When writing this post, for example, I have to turn on the “do not disturb” on my iPhone. Otherwise, I’ll be tempted to respond to the five texts, 20+ emails, and three phone calls I’ll surely have waiting when I’m done.

“Wherever you are, be there!”

-Jim Rohn

Efficiency is one reason to be focused on the here and now. Safety is another. Being aware of one’s surroundings is the primary step in self-defense. For example, given the fact that automobile accidents are the #1 cause of accidental death in the U.S. with over 35,000 deaths annually, wouldn’t you think that it might be wise to pay attention while crossing a street, or while driving, for that matter? Yet, given the inherent risk, I am amazed at the number of people I see crossing the street with their gaze locked onto their smart-phone. (that makes “smart-phone” an oxymoron, doesn’t it?)

“Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.”

– Dale Carnegie

Quality of life is yet another reason to practice focusing on the here and now. Often times we bemoan past events, or worry about the future. While it is good to learn from our past mistakes, dwelling on them does nothing other than to relive the negative feelings caused. It is also good to plan for the future, and thus be prepared for tomorrow. Worrying about it, however, is just adding more needless stress to our already stressful lives. Learn from past mistakes and move on. Plan for the future, and trust your plan. Learn to live today for today, and enjoy every moment.

“There are only two days in the year that nothing can be done. One is called Yesterday and the other is called Tomorrow. Today is the right day to Love, Believe, Do and mostly Live.”

– Dalai Lama XIV

See you on the mat.

The Warrior Within

Watching the Little Samurai and Junior Jujiteiros, I’m reminded of how Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, like other sports, correlates to life in general; it reflects a microcosm of our human experience. Whether one’s sport of choice is running, soccer, baseball, or Brazilian Jiu-jitsu, we can identify the same truths within the confines of the sport and extend it into our world view.

Take cross country, for example. At the high-school level, a broad spectrum of humanity can be seen participating in cross country; from kids knocking off a hilly 5k with sub five minute miles, to others who have to walk part of their flat, two mile course. There are long, lean gazelles, and short, squat, bull-dogs; kids who are incredibly conditioned, and others who, let’s just say, are working on it. There are highly organized, well-trained teams, and there are other loosely knit teams, seemingly ad hoc in their approach.

While there are particular physical traits that lend themselves to the sport, there’s no denying the psychology of running. When you’re running your fastest, it doesn’t matter how fit you are, you’re going to reach a point where your body wants to quit, and you have to will yourself to continue. It’s fascinating to witness this in a race, as some of the runners fight to win, while others fade, seemingly accepting their fate.

In the end, the top of the field is made up of well-trained, fierce competitors who generally have the genetic gifts of a runner. However there are always a few up in the front who don’t fit the stereotypical mold, and plenty of naturally “gifted” folks in the back of the pack, people who look like they should be able to fly across the course, yet end up running with the masses. So while natural attributes are helpful, these alone are not enough. Proper preparation (training) and the will to succeed are the constants one always finds in the winners’ circle.

Here are my take-aways from cross country; these are the same “truths” in every sport/endeavor, including Brazilian Jiu Jitsu.

  1. You can’t change the past. We all start where/when we start; rich or poor, good genes or bad, great upbringing or not. None of us has the ability to travel back and get a do-over. Blaming your ancestors for the genes they passed down, or your parents for the way you were raised are both pointless. Don’t waste your time and energy worrying about what you can’t change.
  2. Surround yourself with a good team and/or mentor. There are plenty of people out there with similar interests and goals. These are the people you should be spending your time with. When your friends are saying, “take a day off, let’s go play,” your teammates are saying, “let’s go train, and play later.” They can give you the guidance, support, and motivation needed to stay the course and achieve your goals.
  3. Recognize your strengths, and build from there. Each of us is a unique combination of strengths, weaknesses, skills, and knowledge. Find your niche, and expand it. Look for opportunities to use your specific set of skills/traits to your advantage. (If you’re one of those fortunate enough to have great genes, be thankful, but don’t “rest on your laurels.”)
  4. Put in the work. There’s no escaping this one. No amount of natural talent can make up for a truck-load of  well-planned, hard work. All of that work conditions the body and mind like nothing else can.
  5. Break down large goals into smaller, more recognizable ones. If you find yourself in the middle of the pack way behind the lead runner, focus instead, on the runner in front of you. Pass them. Move on to the next. Keep mowing them down as you fight toward the front. Which brings us to the final point…
  6. Find the warrior within. For those who are competitive by nature, congratulations. For the rest, discover what makes you burn inside, what gives you passion, what inspires you to strive at “no matter the cost” levels. Because here’s the thing; at some point everybody gets tired. At some point legs turn to rubber, hearts want to explode, and lungs burn for more oxygen. At this point, the field fades, but the warriors forge on ahead.

See you all on the mats!

Warrior Mindset

Brazilian Jiu Jitsu (BJJ) is a martial art which, by definition, translates to a method of war, or warlike skill. It is a form of combat, but most of those who train in BJJ are not soldiers; we are students, parents, doctors, laborers, and managers. Regardless our station in life, training in martial arts is beneficial for each of us, providing fun, fitness, self-defense, and camaraderie. Another of the many benefits of BJJ is the development of the Warrior Mindset.

Stop and consider a soldier in a combat setting in which lives are on the line. In such urgent moments, action is critical. There is no “maybe when I feel like it” option; there is no time to quibble about responsibility nor job descriptions. There is just the task at hand, and it needs to be taken care of immediately or people will die. When tasked with a job which needs to be done, a warrior doesn’t hesitate, they simply get the job done. They don’t make excuses, they just do whatever it takes to complete the mission.

This is a powerful lesson for each of us. Too often, we sell ourselves short of our true potential. We know what we should do, but we make excuses as to why we can’t, we put it off until later, or we allow our emotions to distract us. We want to get in shape, but always find an excuse to skip a workout. We know we should eat healthier, but when presented with our favorite dessert, decide we’ll start tomorrow. We’d love to have financial security, but whip out the plastic every time we’re tempted by that shiny, new whatever.

“Being a warrior is not about the act of fighting. It’s about the ability, courage, and commitment to win the war within oneself and not quit until the job is done.”

Richard J. Machowicz, 2008

As jujiteiros, (students of BJJ) we live this ideal every time we step onto the mat. Once there, it is time to train – nothing more, and nothing less. One cannot dodge the truth found on the mat by making excuses; you will train, you will be tested, and you will be the better for it when you are done. We need to develop this mentality in all aspects of our lives. Stop dodging that which you know needs doing. Just step on the mat and get it done.

See you on the mat.


Machowicz, Richard J.. Unleash the Warrior Within: Develop the Focus, Discipline, Confidence, and Courage You Need to Achieve Unlimited Goals. Philadelphia: Da Capo Press, 2011.

Image by Samuele Schirò from Pixabay

Self Control

We humans are emotional; we can run the gamut from happy, sad, angry, frustrated, and scared. Our emotions are powerful responses to stimuli which helped our ancestors survive the trials and tribulations of a more harsh, unforgiving environment. Emotions can can still help us survive unexpected danger, but they can also lead us to make terrible decisions. We must learn to use our emotions to our advantage and not allow them to control us.

Anger is a momentary madness, so control your passion or it will control you.

– Horace

We should embrace the beauty that joy and happiness bring to our lives, just as we should acknowledge our anger or sorrow. All of our emotions are part of being a healthy, whole individual. However, it is important to also recognize that when left unchecked, our emotions can lead to poor judgement and bad decisions. We must develop self control – the ability to control our reaction to our emotions.

One of the tools we can use is tactical breathing, or combat breathing. Breathing is a powerful tool for moderating our emotional response. Whether in a heated argument with a friend, being overcome with grief, or preparing for a jiujitsu match, it can help us calm our current emotional state, allowing us to keep a clear head and respond more appropriately. As you practice and develop this skill, you’ll find a count that works best for you. In the meantime, just remember “4 X 4:

  1. Inhale for a count of four.
  2. Hold it for a count of four.
  3. Exhale for a count of four.
  4. Hold it for a count of four.

<Repeat four times.>

The best plan is to reject straightway the first incentives to anger, to resist its very beginnings, and to take care not to be betrayed into it: for if once it begins to carry us away, it is hard to get back again into a healthy condition, because reason goes for nothing when once passion has been admitted to the mind, and has by our own free will been given a certain authority, it will for the future do as much as it chooses, not only as much as you will allow it. The enemy, I repeat, must be met and driven back at the outermost frontier-line: for when he has once entered the city and passed its gates, he will not allow his prisoners to set bounds to his victory.

– Seneca

See you on the mat!