Be a Good Uke

Posted on by moderndayzendaddy

Brazilian jiujitsu is an individual sport, but we can’t train alone. We need good partners, and we need to reciprocate, in order to develop our chosen art. We need to practice on each other in a safe and productive manner, to provide feedback, and to test one another. We need to learn to be a good Uke in order to achieve, and help our teammates achieve, our individual goals.

The term Uke comes from the Japanese sport of Judo, and in the simplest sense means good training partner. But what makes a good partner?

“To understand that ‘uke’ means more exactly ‘to receive’ opens new views for the practitioner. To be on the uke end of training is not to be passively accepting of the technique. It is instead the attitude of receiving, meeting the throw on one’s own terms. The mentality of the uke is not one of resignation or worse yet, of stubborn resistance. The uke flows, absorbs the force of the throw, and while he does fall, his ukemi does not necessarily signal defeat. His fall is one he controls. He receives — and bounces up again.”

Dave Lowrey, Sword and Brush: The Spirit of The Martial Arts (1995)

When our partner is learning and drilling a technique, our job isn’t to resist, nor is it to lie limp like a rag-doll. This is a cooperative relationship; a good uke in BJJ finds the perfect balance between allowing them to perform the move, while maintaining a posture similar to what would occur when the technique is executed properly. As our partner’s understanding of the technique improves, the uke can increase resistance, or counter the move with the intent of providing the feedback necessary for refinement.

Even during the free-rolling portion of class, or randori, higher ranking students recognize the benefit of modifying their intensity in order to provide the most beneficial training for them and their partner. The nuance of each pairing should set the tone of the interaction; differences in experience, skill level, age, and size should all be part of the equation.

Being a good uke means striving for the win-win.

See you on the mat

Just Keep Showing Up

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Each of us has the capacity for growth – physically, mentally, and emotionally. Our extraordinarily elastic brains enable us to learn astrophysics and organic chemistry. We can develop astounding depths of expression, painting The Birth of Adam, or singing Nessun dorma. Our adaptable bodies can be chiseled into the most powerful weightlifter or graceful ballerina. Nonetheless, we don’t all become an Arthur Eddington, Marie Curie, or Michelangelo. Out of the 8 billion inhabitants on our planet, there is only one Lucciano Pavarotti, Dave Hoff, and Misty Copeland. Still, each of us has the potential for success, if we’re willing to do the work.

Stepping on the mat at Werneck Jiujitsu, you’ll find yourself training alongside world class athletes honing their craft, and professional desk jockeys looking to get in better shape. You’ll meet students and their families, representing different creeds, colors, backgrounds, education, and socioeconomic statuses. There are young folks training twice a day, and more “seasoned” adults who do their best to attend twice a week. We humans are a diverse lot, each with our own set of circumstances, desires, and capabilities. This plethora of internal traits and external factors obviously plays a role in the very diverse outcomes of our training, just as it does in our daily lives.

The good news is none of them dictate conclusively how it’ll all turn out. None are as consistently decisive as our will. No amount of inheritance, good genes, or schooling can make up for being unwilling to do the hard work of making one’s dreams a reality. Make no mistake, just like life, BJJ is hard. It requires us to accept our individual agency and not waste our time and energy blaming outside forces. It demands we push outside of our comfort zones, question our closest held beliefs about who we are, and acknowledge our strengths, weaknesses, and limitations. It forces us to recognize and break our bad habits. It often means sacrifice or adjusting our priorities, and inevitably it necessitates concerted effort over a long period of time. But it is worth every ounce of effort.

Ultimately, the people who achieve their goals are those who are willing to grind it out. From Arthur Eddington to Misty Copeland, this diverse group of extraordinary individuals have one thing in common with every person who has experienced sustained success in life: they each invested immense amounts of time and energy in their craft. Whether one is aspiring to achieve better fitness, a black belt, a gold medal, or just live a happier, healthier life, be the one out of one hundred who succeed.

Just keep showing up!

Take a Break

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I get it. This parenting gig is no joke. From the moment they’re born, we’re on the clock 24/7/365, doing everything in our power to take care of them, nurture them, and keep them safe, all while preparing them for the world they soon enough will have to handle on their own. We sign them up for soccer, martial arts, gymnastics, math tutoring and piano lessons, and then shuttle them from one appointment to the next. We joke that “they don’t come with a manual,” while sifting through but a small sliver of the thousands of books written on parenting.

I am no parenting expert – I don’t have a PhD in child psychology, nor early childhood development, and I haven’t written any books. Like many, I’ve put in my time, making plenty of mistakes along the way. I can only hope that, in the final ledger, my successes outweigh my blunders. As of this writing, my two oldest are nearing self-sufficient adulthood in college and the military, while I’m still in the trenches with a tween in middle school.

So far, so good…

I started teaching children over a decade before the arrival of my firstborn, and have been ever since. Therefore, my perspective comes as much from my experiences as a teacher and a coach as it does a parent, for the three are inextricably intertwined. As one parent to another, let me just say…

Take a break.

You’ve chosen to enroll your child in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu (BJJ) for any number of a variety of reasons: fitness, fun, strength, conditioning, self-defense, sport, self-discipline, self-esteem, etc. I promise you that each of these are natural by-products of the training. I also promise you that all of us who coach your child are motivated by the same desire: to help each individual who dares to step on the mat accomplish their goals.

I know it’s hard to let go, and that you only want what’s best for your child. You might even believe you’re helping us, but your engagement with your child while they are on the mat is completely counter-productive to your goals. They should be building rapport with their coach, focusing on the lessons of the class, and engaging with their partners; everything else is a distraction.

Once your child steps on the mat, take a break. Let us do our job, and let your child partake fully in what BJJ has to offer.

Let’s Get Busy!

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(Just like so many New Year’s Resolutions of the past, this post is a repeat from last year, and the year before. The human condition being what it is, the information bears repeating)

With the New Year, there comes a sense of a new beginning; a clean page on which to write the story we want. People start out with the best of intentions, making a list of their New Year’s Resolutions, and taking the first steps in realizing their aspirations. Yet, while many aspire to achieve their goals, many will quit, and find themselves making the same goals the following year. This is so common that the entire concept has become a well-known punch-line.

One of the reasons some are successful while others aren’t lies in the difference between being interested, and being committed, to doing something.

Those who are simply interested in doing something plan on getting to it when it’s convenient. Whatever the goal, whether losing weight, finding a better job, or finishing a college degree, the interested plan on doing it when they find the time, when everything lines up, or when they “feel like it.” So people interested in getting fit for the new year hit the gym, diligently putting in their time, for a few weeks. Soon, they start finding excuses as to why they can’t make it in as often. It becomes more and more inconvenient, until soon they’re not going at all.

The committed, on the other hand, do whatever they need to do in order to accomplish their goals. They learn everything they can about the pursuit, create a plan, and prioritize their time in order to assure they dedicate enough to the effort. They don’t allow anything to stand in their way. The committed don’t wait until they find the time, they make it. They don’t wait for everything to line up, they line everything up. They don’t wait until “they feel like it.” The committed follow through on the plan knowing the long-term goal will far outweigh any short-term feeling that may come and go along the way.

What were you interested in accomplishing last year, but never got around to? Not sure where to start? Start by writing your goals down, and post them prominently where you’ll see them daily. Join a reputable program or hire a coach/teacher. Surround yourself with like-minded people, and publicly commit to your goals. Then get busy.

Are you committed yet?

The Center of the Universe

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(This post was originally published June 22, 2018.)

One of the age-old discussions in the teaching community is regarding the class structure, and whether it should be teacher-centered or student-centered. Each style has it’s pros and cons, and identifying the strengths and weaknesses of each helps decide which method will best achieve our desired goals. This common desk layout exemplifies the two styles.

classroom layout

Teacher-centered is a very common method of teaching martial art classes. If you’ve ever been in a Taekwondo dojang or a Karate dojo, (or a high-impact aerobics class) you’ve witnessed this methodology. The teacher is a very strong force, loudly directing nearly every movement of the class. They are often counting every repetition, as the students drill. They are constantly coaching the student body, sometimes individually, frequently collectively, with a barrage of corrections, exhortations, and motivations. This creates a very orderly class, and it assures the class sticks to the plan. It is a great way to control and motivate a large number of people, and get a lot of work done in the process.

A Student-centered approach provides greater autonomy for the students. They interact more with their peers, help motivate one-another, and have the opportunity to work through, or even experiment with the techniques being taught. Instead of taking center-stage, the teacher becomes more of a coordinator, directing the class in the direction it needs to go. This style of teaching also helps reinforce self-discipline, as the students become responsible for their own actions.

Rather than an either/or proposition, these two models are more like the ends of a spectrum. A great class will be somewhere in the middle, utilizing a bit of both styles. In teaching Brazilian Jiujitsu we tend towards a student-centered approach. The instructor, or Professor, directs the class, leading warm-ups, teaching and correcting techniques, and coaching in application. The students are provided the opportunity to practice with partners, and collectively work “through” the techniques.

Obviously, the age of the students also plays a role in where the class falls on the spectrum. Our Little Samurai, ages 4-6, need much more instructor guidance, than do the Junior Jujiteiros, who in turn require more than an adult class. That being said, we are continually pushing our younger students to be the best they can be, and expect them to hold themselves to the highest of standards. Learning to focus, stay on task, and work independently are valuable life-skills which we strive to instill in our students; we teach these ideals, in part, by expecting it of the students. Therefore, we strive to shift from the teacher-centered end of the spectrum to the student-centered as early and as frequently as possible.

The martial arts, whether Karate, Kung fu, Taekwondo, or Brazilian Jiujitsu, are an individual pursuit of excellence. Our parents can’t do it for us, nor can our teachers. They can only support us and help guide the way. We have our teammates to make the journey with, but at the end of the day, it is still an individual pursuit. Each of us has to develop the strength, endurance, focus, and self-discipline to push past our own personal barriers.

See you on the mat.

Don’t be a Zombie

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One of the frequently stated reasons people get into martial arts is to learn self defense. As with other combat arts, there is a self defense component to BJJ, and each school varies in the emphasis they put on this aspect of training. It’s important to recognize, however, that the most vital and powerful self defense skill can be attained long before joining a reputable program.

Awareness is the foundation of all self-defense.

We must first be aware of what risks we face in order to properly prepare our defense. While the media would have you believe our world is becoming ever more violent, the statistical evidence does not support this world-view. Even with the recent slight upticks in violent crime from 2015-2018, and again in 2020, the U.S. is still on a downward trend from the early 1990”s. Furthermore, the recent increases we have witnessed are attributable in large part to specific areas in highly populated cities. While it’s obviously not a panacea, simply avoiding particular neighborhoods goes a long way in decreasing one’s risk of being a victim to violent crime.

We are much more likely to experience and/or die from accidents. According the CDC, in 2019 over 60,000 people died annually from unintentional injuries compared to a little over 14,000 homicides. The top unintentional injuries in the U.S. are poisoning (drug o.d.), automobile accidents, drowning, and falling. These are the wolves we truly need to be wary of.

The bottom line: the vast majority of viable threats to our well-being are easily avoidable, if we know what they are, and pay attention.

Zombies, Sheepdogs, and Wolves…

The problem is, too many of us are oblivious to the world around us. We get so caught up in our routine, our thoughts, or our phone, that we tune out the world around us. We become zombies, walking and driving around in what law enforcement and the military term “Condition White,” mindlessly unprepared for the unexpected. By developing the habit of paying attention whenever we are out and about, we can greatly decrease the odds of being a victim of wolves, whether they’re an assailant, a car crash, or stumbling off the curb. Each of us needs to be in “Condition Yellow” whenever we are driving, shopping, or walking down the sidewalk. We need to put the smartphone away and practice the habit of maintaining situational awareness.

Be a zombie in the safety of your own home.

Sticks and Stones

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While teaching English in Daejeon, South Korea, I found myself out late one particular night with a number of students. We were sitting around a Pojangmacha (포장마차), enjoying whatever various Anju (안주) were being served, along with some cheap Soju (소주) and good conversation, when this rather intoxicated fellow sat down next to me, and started intensely telling me what it was he had to say. My Korean skills at that point consisted of asking directions, and ordering food, so his diatribe was all but lost on me. His tone and body language clued me into his intent, but it wasn’t until his friend had taken him away that the students would tell me what he’d been saying. He was trying to insult me, derisively commenting upon all the standard topics á la Junior High: my appearance, my heritage, my mom. His intent was to hurt my feelings and make me mad, but as ill-intentioned as he was, I remained unscathed.

Of course it was easy to dismiss what he was saying; I couldn’t understand a word. Even after I was told what he said, I still was simply amused by his antics. The things people say have zero impact on our well-being; it’s only what we hear that matters. How we receive the message and process it is really what dictates its effect on us.

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”

As adults most of us are pretty adept at filtering the things people say. We are confident enough to not worry that much in the first place, and smart enough to recognize that the source, the intent, and the setting all play a role in how we accept it. A close friend making a snarky comment about our hair is much different than an acquaintance at work saying the same thing. Still, we all know how hard it can be at times, to not take some people’s words personally.

It is even more challenging for younger people to navigate these waters. Even with the frequently heard, “just kidding,” or “it was only a joke,” often times children’s feelings get hurt. They simply haven’t had the time and experience to develop effective discernment, and thus struggle with the nuance of sarcasm, hypocrisy, humor, and teasing.

One of the greatest tools we can give our children to help them weather this learning period is self confidence.

Being confident in who we are is like being vaccinated against the terrible things that people say.

Training in Brazilian Jiujitsu is a sure-fire way to develop a strong sense of self. As students repeatedly drill their skills and continually put them to the test, the grind makes one physically, mentally, and emotionally tough. Successfully “tapping out,” or submitting training partners with an ever-refining, ever-increasing arsenal builds confidence. Simultaneously, getting tapped out teaches resilience; our ego can take a “loss,” and thrive. Additionally, people who train in this manner are in little need of validation from others, thus what they say carries less weight.

It’s important to note that the most serious forms of teasing are committed by those who wish to build themselves up by tearing others down. Whether they’re seeking attention, or trying to establish their superiority, the perpetrators are looking for a victim. Just like bullies and criminals, they look for easy marks – people who appear unable or unwilling to stand up for themselves. The body language of a jujiteiro/a says, “I am NOT a victim.” It is a subconscious deterrent to predation.

If you want to teach your child how to effectively deal with people teasing them, get them into a jiu jitsu class. They can train BJJ and learn to handle the trash talking with aplomb.

See you on the mat.

photo credit: kT LindSAy

Attitude of Gratitude

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As we head into week #10 of this state wide “stay at home,” many communities are slowly moving into Phase 2. This step in the right direction provides a welcome bit of relief, but we’re still a long way from any sense of normalcy. The indefinite nature of this entire affair only compounds the stress many are feeling in the midst of so many live lost and the horrendous economic impact. It can be difficult to keep a healthy perspective, but it’s times like this when we need to maintain an “attitude of gratitude.”

At the end of every Jiujitsu class, the students and instructors bow, and repeat the school motto, “Força e Honra,” or Strength and Honor. We then shake hands, and thank one another with an “Obrigado/a.” Obrigado is short for the more formal Eu sou obrigado, or “I am obliged.”

While this little ritual is part of the daily routine, with the tendency for participants to simply go through the motions, the hope is that this demonstration of gratitude helps remind us to be thankful for our time on the mat. Obviously we want to thank our teachers and training partners, for without them we wouldn’t be training in jiu-jitsu. We’re also quite fortunate to train in the facilities we have. (Ask Cassio some time about the canvas mats he used to train on in Brazil!)

As a parent, I’m keenly aware of how vital the idea of gratitude is. We are bringing our children up in a time and place of unbelievable wealth and prosperity. Living here in the burbs of NorCal means we have immediate access to food 24 hours a day. Today’s children have television, the internet, smart phones, and swimming pools, while living in houses with running water, flush toilets, and a/c. Needless to say, such a luxurious lifestyle is lost upon someone who knows no different, which makes it easy for people to be unappreciative. Honestly, which one of us doesn’t take these things for granted?

Consider the early immigrants to this country, or to what was at one time simply thirteen colonies. Those people left Europe with nothing, risked a months-long ship ride, starving conditions, exposure to new diseases, knowing there was little to no infrastructure awaiting them. They came with nothing, knowing it was all on them to make a new life for themselves. If they wanted a house, they had to build it. If they wanted to eat, they had to hunt or harvest it. There was no safety net, no agency for them to fall back on. Can you imagine how they would perceive the world we now live in, with the comforts we take for granted?

It seems like forever since we’ve been “on the mat,” and many have expressed the same frustration we’re all feeling, not being able to train. Maintaining an “attitude of gratitude” can help each of us weather this storm.

We look forward to seeing you all back on the mat!

Certainty in Uncertain Times

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Unprecedented. Such hyperbole has become common recently; we’ve heard it in the news, read it in headlines and in the weekly updates from various government agencies. As we all do our best to keep abreast of the quickly changing landscape, it is natural to approach the unknown with a particular amount of skepticism, apprehension, or even fear. Our anxiety can get the best of us, and such hyperbolic language only exasperates that tendency.

It’s important to remember that while we may not remember anything quite like this pandemic and the quarantine conditions we find ourselves in, it is far from being unprecedented. Our understanding of infectious disease has come a long way since The Black Death. Not only have we been here before, but just as with all the other diseases we’ve dealt with over the past seven centuries we’ll get through this one too.

In his book Factfulness: Ten Reasons We’re Wrong About the World-and Why Things Are Better Than You Think, Hans Rosling reminds us that “things can be both bad and better.” Here are a few fun charts to help maintain a little perspective; to remind us of how much we’ve already accomplished. (click on them to link to the interactive original)

Take a deep breath, and remain calm. People have been screaming, “THE END OF TIMES!” since forever. While we may have some work to do, we’ll get through this. Keep moving forward as best as you can. And don’t forget to wash your hands.

What Day is it?

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Four weeks into this state mandated Stay-in-Place and many of us find ourselves a bit out of sorts. Without the framework of our regular lives we half-jokingly ask, “what day is it?” In case you’re feeling a bit lost, here’s an update. Last week was spring break for our local school district and Easter weekend. Before that, the Spring Equinox came and went, mostly unnoticed; nonetheless, the days are getting longer, the temperature is warming up, and everything is in bloom.

Spring is a time of renewal, and has been celebrated as such throughout history. Our ancestors rejoiced as they’d survived the harsh realities of yet another winter, recognizing that spring meant the opportunity to plant crops and harvest the food necessary to survive the coming year. Our modern lifestyles have all but removed the arduous difficulties of surviving winter, and thus the shift to spring isn’t nearly as vital to our existence; yet we still find the longer, warmer days lifting our spirits. We still celebrate spring with holidays such as Mayday, Easter, and Passover. We open our windows to air out our homes, we clean our closets, and we tidy up our yards.

Now that many of us find ourselves forced out of our regular routines, we are presented with the perfect opportunity to re-focus our sights. We can be creative in finding new ways to maintain our mental and physical fitness, since we can’t be on the mat, nor in the gym. Do some yoga. Rehab a nagging injury. Dig out some of those books that remain unread, or re-read some of the classics. Start working towards those goals left on the proverbial back-burner.

This idea of spring cleaning extends into our lives well beyond the back-yard or closet. Even within the context of this crazy Covid-19 remain in place, spring and the renewal occurring all around us, are reminders that there’s always another opportunity.

What are your dreams?

What are you waiting for?