Weekly Blog

Honor

Our school motto is Força e Honra, or Strength and honor. These are the first two of our Five Pillars of SuccessTM. For the month of May, we will be discussing the concept of honor in our Little Samurai and Junior Jujiteiros classes. Honor is a virtue that has been extolled throughout the ages, from ancient philosophers such as Homer and Confucius to the concept of Chivalry in medieval Europe and the Bushido Code of the Samurai. But what exactly is it? 

Honor is defined in the Merriam-Webster dictionary as, “a showing of usually merited respectrecognition.” We honor our instructor, our school, and our teammates through our appreciation. We respect Professor Cassio for his accomplishments as a competitor, his guidance as an instructor, and his example as a family man. We support our school and our teammates as part of that honor, showing up to train, contributing our own “blood, sweat, and tears” to the process of helping make each individual better. We honor our teammates, for we share the common understanding of the trials and tribulations we all experience on the mat.

Merriam-Webster also defines honor as, “a keen sense of ethical conduct: integrity.” There have been various attempts to codify ethical conduct, none more apropos than those coming from the warrior communities of the U.S. Marine Corps and Jiu Jitsu’s own Bushido heritage.

As per the U.S. Marine Corps website,

“Honor <sic> is the bedrock of our character. It is the quality that empowers Marines to exemplify the ultimate in ethical and moral behavior: to never lie, cheat, or steal; to abide by an uncompromising code of integrity; to respect human dignity; and to have respect and concern for each other. It represents the maturity, dedication, trust, and dependability that commit Marines to act responsibly, be accountable for their actions, fulfill their obligations, and hold others accountable for their actions.”

The Bushido of the Samurai was a code of conduct which evolved over the centuries. Earlier versions include The Hagakura, and The Book of Five Rings. These codes were eventually  paraphrased, so to speak, as The Eight Virtues of Bushido by Nitobe Inazō in his book Bushido: The Soul of Japan.

  • Righteousness (義 gi)
  • Heroic Courage (勇 )
  • Benevolence, Compassion (仁 jin)
  • Respect (礼 rei)
  • Integrity (誠 makoto)
  • Honour (名誉 meiyo)
  • Duty and Loyalty (忠義 chūgi)
  • Self-Control (自制 jisei)

As martial artists we train for the love of the art, to make ourselves stronger, for fun, and for the camaraderie. We pay homage to these ideals after every workout, with the intent of making them a part of our lives. They espouse something greater than ourselves; something to live up to. Just as warriors, both past and present, we too live by a code. Força e Honra.

See you on the mat!

The Warrior Within

Watching the Little Samurai and Junior Jujiteiros, I’m reminded of how Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, like other sports, correlates to life in general; it reflects a microcosm of our human experience. Whether one’s sport of choice is running, soccer, baseball, or Brazilian Jiu-jitsu, we can identify the same truths within the confines of the sport and extend it into our world view.

Take cross country, for example. At the high-school level, a broad spectrum of humanity can be seen participating in cross country; from kids knocking off a hilly 5k with sub five minute miles, to others who have to walk part of their flat, two mile course. There are long, lean gazelles, and short, squat, bull-dogs; kids who are incredibly conditioned, and others who, let’s just say, are working on it. There are highly organized, well-trained teams, and there are other loosely knit teams, seemingly ad hoc in their approach.

While there are particular physical traits that lend themselves to the sport, there’s no denying the psychology of running. When you’re running your fastest, it doesn’t matter how fit you are, you’re going to reach a point where your body wants to quit, and you have to will yourself to continue. It’s fascinating to witness this in a race, as some of the runners fight to win, while others fade, seemingly accepting their fate.

In the end, the top of the field is made up of well-trained, fierce competitors who generally have the genetic gifts of a runner. However there are always a few up in the front who don’t fit the stereotypical mold, and plenty of naturally “gifted” folks in the back of the pack, people who look like they should be able to fly across the course, yet end up running with the masses. So while natural attributes are helpful, these alone are not enough. Proper preparation (training) and the will to succeed are the constants one always finds in the winners’ circle.

Here are my take-aways from cross country; these are the same “truths” in every sport/endeavor, including Brazilian Jiu Jitsu.

  1. You can’t change the past. We all start where/when we start; rich or poor, good genes or bad, great upbringing or not. None of us has the ability to travel back and get a do-over. Blaming your ancestors for the genes they passed down, or your parents for the way you were raised are both pointless. Don’t waste your time and energy worrying about what you can’t change.
  2. Surround yourself with a good team and/or mentor. There are plenty of people out there with similar interests and goals. These are the people you should be spending your time with. When your friends are saying, “take a day off, let’s go play,” your teammates are saying, “let’s go train, and play later.” They can give you the guidance, support, and motivation needed to stay the course and achieve your goals.
  3. Recognize your strengths, and build from there. Each of us is a unique combination of strengths, weaknesses, skills, and knowledge. Find your niche, and expand it. Look for opportunities to use your specific set of skills/traits to your advantage. (If you’re one of those fortunate enough to have great genes, be thankful, but don’t “rest on your laurels.”)
  4. Put in the work. There’s no escaping this one. No amount of natural talent can make up for a truck-load of  well-planned, hard work. All of that work conditions the body and mind like nothing else can.
  5. Break down large goals into smaller, more recognizable ones. If you find yourself in the middle of the pack way behind the lead runner, focus instead, on the runner in front of you. Pass them. Move on to the next. Keep mowing them down as you fight toward the front. Which brings us to the final point…
  6. Find the warrior within. For those who are competitive by nature, congratulations. For the rest, discover what makes you burn inside, what gives you passion, what inspires you to strive at “no matter the cost” levels. Because here’s the thing; at some point everybody gets tired. At some point legs turn to rubber, hearts want to explode, and lungs burn for more oxygen. At this point, the field fades, but the warriors forge on ahead.

See you all on the mats!

Warrior Mindset

Brazilian Jiu Jitsu (BJJ) is a martial art which, by definition, translates to a method of war, or warlike skill. It is a form of combat, but most of those who train in BJJ are not soldiers; we are students, parents, doctors, laborers, and managers. Regardless our station in life, training in martial arts is beneficial for each of us, providing fun, fitness, self-defense, and camaraderie. Another of the many benefits of BJJ is the development of the Warrior Mindset.

Stop and consider a soldier in a combat setting in which lives are on the line. In such urgent moments, action is critical. There is no “maybe when I feel like it” option; there is no time to quibble about responsibility nor job descriptions. There is just the task at hand, and it needs to be taken care of immediately or people will die. When tasked with a job which needs to be done, a warrior doesn’t hesitate, they simply get the job done. They don’t make excuses, they just do whatever it takes to complete the mission.

This is a powerful lesson for each of us. Too often, we sell ourselves short of our true potential. We know what we should do, but we make excuses as to why we can’t, we put it off until later, or we allow our emotions to distract us. We want to get in shape, but always find an excuse to skip a workout. We know we should eat healthier, but when presented with our favorite dessert, decide we’ll start tomorrow. We’d love to have financial security, but whip out the plastic every time we’re tempted by that shiny, new whatever.

“Being a warrior is not about the act of fighting. It’s about the ability, courage, and commitment to win the war within oneself and not quit until the job is done.”

Richard J. Machowicz, 2008

As jujiteiros, (students of BJJ) we live this ideal every time we step onto the mat. Once there, it is time to train – nothing more, and nothing less. One cannot dodge the truth found on the mat by making excuses; you will train, you will be tested, and you will be the better for it when you are done. We need to develop this mentality in all aspects of our lives. Stop dodging that which you know needs doing. Just step on the mat and get it done.

See you on the mat.


Machowicz, Richard J.. Unleash the Warrior Within: Develop the Focus, Discipline, Confidence, and Courage You Need to Achieve Unlimited Goals. Philadelphia: Da Capo Press, 2011.

Image by Samuele Schirò from Pixabay

Food For Thought

This BJJ lifestyle is intense. Each class is an exhilarating mixture of illumination, and frustration, as we enjoy those occasional ah-ha moments in between surviving bone-crushing defeats. We grind out each and every workout, as frequently as our other obligations will allow, knowing we’re the better for it. Such training takes it’s toll, and it doesn’t take long to realize that appropriate rest and a healthy diet are mandatory components of a successful journey.

What constitutes a healthy diet? The answer to this question isn’t that complicated, but with the number of fad diets that are in constant circulation, it’s easy to see why people think it’s rocket science. Of course, there is an entire industry looking to cash in on everybody’s desire to lose weight/look great with a quick fix, but again, it’s not that complicated.

Here’s the simple version we’re promoting in the children’s program.

We eat to live, not the other way around. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard someone state, “I deserve this,” “life’s too short,”  or some other equivalent. If one’s consumption is justified by some sense of entitlement, perhaps it’s time for a re-evaluation of priorities. Food is about sustenance, not entertainment. This isn’t to say we shouldn’t enjoy the food we eat, or that we can’t ever go out for an over-the-top meal with friends. Our happiness simply shouldn’t be the main deciding factor in our daily consumption choices.

The healthiest foods are recognizable. A healthy diet consists of lots of fresh vegetables and fruit, lean meats, and nuts. Some whole grains are o.k. The more processed, or hidden in sauces and breading it is, the less it’s got to offer, at least in terms of nutrition. The rule I’ve taught my girls is easy to remember. If you have to read a label to know what it is, it’s probably not very good for you. Highly processed foods should be treated with a bit of skepticism, eaten as an exception to a healthy diet, and not as a staple.

Water is life. Our bodies are composed of over 60% water, so drink a lot of it. The harder you train, the more you need. Avoid surgery drinks like soda; these are a source of water, but also provide a lot of empty calories that can cause more harm than good.

Dinner before dessert. If one’s diet is made up predominately of fresh, healthful, whole foods, an occasional “splurge” isn’t going to matter much. The folks who run into trouble are those who get it backwards, constantly consuming foods high in salt, sugar, and fat, but low in everything else of nutritional value.

Train hard, eat smart, and drink lots of water. Your body, and your jiu jitsu will thank you.

See you on the mat!

Self Control

We humans are emotional; we can run the gamut from happy, sad, angry, frustrated, and scared. Our emotions are powerful responses to stimuli which helped our ancestors survive the trials and tribulations of a more harsh, unforgiving environment. Emotions can can still help us survive unexpected danger, but they can also lead us to make terrible decisions. We must learn to use our emotions to our advantage and not allow them to control us.

Anger is a momentary madness, so control your passion or it will control you.

– Horace

We should embrace the beauty that joy and happiness bring to our lives, just as we should acknowledge our anger or sorrow. All of our emotions are part of being a healthy, whole individual. However, it is important to also recognize that when left unchecked, our emotions can lead to poor judgement and bad decisions. We must develop self control – the ability to control our reaction to our emotions.

One of the tools we can use is tactical breathing, or combat breathing. Breathing is a powerful tool for moderating our emotional response. Whether in a heated argument with a friend, being overcome with grief, or preparing for a jiujitsu match, it can help us calm our current emotional state, allowing us to keep a clear head and respond more appropriately. As you practice and develop this skill, you’ll find a count that works best for you. In the meantime, just remember “4 X 4:

  1. Inhale for a count of four.
  2. Hold it for a count of four.
  3. Exhale for a count of four.
  4. Hold it for a count of four.

<Repeat four times.>

The best plan is to reject straightway the first incentives to anger, to resist its very beginnings, and to take care not to be betrayed into it: for if once it begins to carry us away, it is hard to get back again into a healthy condition, because reason goes for nothing when once passion has been admitted to the mind, and has by our own free will been given a certain authority, it will for the future do as much as it chooses, not only as much as you will allow it. The enemy, I repeat, must be met and driven back at the outermost frontier-line: for when he has once entered the city and passed its gates, he will not allow his prisoners to set bounds to his victory.

– Seneca

See you on the mat!

Focus

What a wonderful, crazy world in which we live. We work and we play. We go shopping, come home, and fix dinner. We rest. All the while, our families, friends, and neighbors are there, taking the time to make us part of their lives as well. Technology beckons, as the television, radio, computer, and smart phone also vie for our attention. There are books, blogs, and articles to be read, videos to watch, and games to play. The phone rings, pings, or vibrates to alert us to yet another call, text, or email to be answered. We become engulfed in the ebb and flow of traffic as we commute to work, and transport our children to school.

We are continually surrounded on all sides by a seemingly endless barrage. It often seems as though everything is demanding your immediate attention. In this ongoing sea of activity, it can be easy to lose sight of where you are, or where you’re headed. Our ability to focus is a powerful tool that can help us effectively traverse such a multifaceted  landscape.

Focus your eyes, focus your mind, focus your body.

One of mantras I teach younger martial artists is, “Focus your eyes, focus your mind, focus your body.” It’s a reminder of the importance of paying attention to the task at hand. When we spar at the studio, or compete at a tournament, we must have a singular focus. We need to keep our eyes focused on our training partner/opponent, our mind focused on our game plan, and our body properly prepared for the ensuing match. A break in any one of the three greatly decreases our chances of success.

While the intensity of competition demands it, this level of concentration is helpful in more common aspects of daily living as well. We really should strive to focus in such a manner on all endeavors throughout the day. Being continually distracted by extraneous factors, makes us less efficient at getting the job done. When writing this post, for example, I have to turn on the “do not disturb” on my iPhone. Otherwise, I’ll be tempted to respond to the five texts, 20+ emails, and three phone calls I’ll surely have waiting when I’m done.

“Wherever you are, be there!”

– Jim Rohn

Efficiency is one reason to be focused on the here and now. Safety is another. Being aware of one’s surroundings is the primary step in self-defense. For example, given the fact that automobile accidents are the #1 cause of accidental death in the U.S. with over 35,000 deaths annually, wouldn’t you think that it might be wise to pay attention while crossing a street, or while driving, for that matter? Yet, given the inherent risk, I am amazed at the number of people I see crossing the street with their gaze locked onto their smart-phone. (that makes “smart-phone” an oxymoron, doesn’t it?)

“Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.”

– Dale Carnegie

Quality of life is yet another reason to practice focusing on the here and now. Often times we bemoan past events, or worry about the future. While it is good to learn from our past mistakes, dwelling on them does nothing other than to relive the negative feelings caused. It is also good to plan for the future, and thus be prepared for tomorrow. Worrying about it, however, is just adding more needless stress to our already stressful lives. Learn from past mistakes and move on. Plan for the future, and trust your plan. Learn to live today for today, and enjoy every moment.

“There are only two days in the year that nothing can be done. One is called Yesterday and the other is called Tomorrow. Today is the right day to Love, Believe, Do and mostly Live.”

– Dalai Lama XIV

See you on the mat.

Winners and Losers

Through the month of January we focused on Stephen Covey’s first three Habits:

  1. Be Proactive.®
  2. Begin With the End in Mind.®
  3. First Things First.®

Developing this personal skill set, helps us recognize our purpose and makes us more effective at achieving our goals. If we want to increase our capacity exponentially, however, we must recognize the power of teamwork. The Fourth Habit from Stephen Covey’s treatise The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, is “Think Win-Win.” Simply put, it’s recognizing that the most effective relationships are those in which all parties come out ahead. Here, Jiujitsu is the perfect allegory.

In Jiujitsu we simply cannot develop effective technique without a partner, and it requires a bit of skill to be a good one. Borrowing terminology from Japanese budo, the Uke (receiver) is the person tasked with getting thrown around. The act of being thrown, Ukemi (receiving), is an art in and of itself; it takes skill and understanding to be repeatedly thrown without injury, and to do so in a manner that helps the nage (thrower) learn the technique. While drilling a technique, a good uke doesn’t just flop on the floor like a limp noodle, nor do they resist the technique by countering. They have to provide the appropriate response in order for the nage to practice their technique. This is dictated by many factors including how experienced their partner is, and whether the technique is new. This cooperation is vital; if we don’t work with our partners to help them develop strong technique, they won’t be able to help us improve ours. We must strive for a win/win, in which all parties are benefiting.

Sometimes losing is winning.

People who are afraid of “losing” when drilling, who’s egos prohibit them from finding this cooperative balance, will struggle to learn the nuance of technique. They are also frustrating to the partner who’s trying to learn, only to be thwarted every time they try. This isn’t a win/win; it isn’t even a win/lose – it’s a lose/lose. Nobody is able to improve much under these conditions. Allowing ones partner to practice a move, thereby developing better technique, makes them a better partner for us.

Stay focused on the Big Picture

Additionally, if one’s ego is too big to “lose” and tap out when necessary, they will eventually be injured. The severity of the injury will dictate the amount of healing time, but this win/lose mindset will once again become a lose/lose, as their injuries affect their ability to train. This is a good example of when losing is winning. Tapping out (short-term loss) means more training longevity (long-term win).

Steel sharpens Steel.

There is time and place in Jiujitsu where each student should be striving to win. Whenever two individuals are engaged in competition, whether during the rolling portion of a class, or at a tournament, somebody is eventually going to win and their “opponent” will lose. While nobody likes to lose in these moments, there is still a win/win silver lining. Oftentimes, we learn much more from our losses than we do our wins. It’s important to remember the adage, “you’re either winning or you’re learning.”

“I never lose. I either win or I learn.”

Nelson Mandela

See you on the mat.

Achieve the Unachievable

I find events such as World Championships and the Olympic Games awe inspiring. Especially engaging are the individual sports like Gymnastics, Boxing, Track & Field, Wrestling, MMA, and of course, Brazilian Jiujitsu. Seeing the best of the best experience “the thrill of victory, and the agony of defeat” is a thrilling, emotional roller-coaster, and every time somebody wins the gold, or breaks another record, I rejoice in our human capacity for growth. We just keep getting better.

“Citius, Altius, Fortius.”

-Henri Didon, 1891

What really makes these spectacles so amazing to me is the knowledge that these glorious moments in time are the culmination of long, arduous journeys. Leading up to every victory, every loss, and every broken record are years of grueling, hard work; world-class athletes put in thousands of hours of disciplined, repetitive practice, suffer through dozens of injuries, and sacrifice leisure time away from family and friends. Spectators want to believe these folks have super human physical gifts, when in reality, their greatest “gifts” are an indomitable spirit and the willingness to endure what others won’t.

Ever heard of Alex Honnold? Neither had I, until I came across his video on TED.com. last week. In it, he talks about free solo climbing Yosemite Park’s El Capitan. Yes, that’s right – he climbed the 3000′ granite face of that monolith by himself, with no more equipment than “shoes and a chalk bag!”

Trust me, you need to watch this video.

I remember reading the headlines about this back in 2017 and thinking that it was pretty amazing. I also jumped to a conclusion similar to that of sports fans witnessing greatness; I assumed that some gifted, albeit crazy, climber had just up and decided to go make history. I couldn’t have been more wrong (except, perhaps, the crazy part). My assumption completely discounted all of the time and effort that Mr. Honnold put into preparing for the event – the decades of climbing experience leading up to the decision to do it, and then another two years training specifically for this one event. Imagine 100’s if not 1000’s of repetitions, and rehearsing the same moves over and over; eventually memorizing every crack, crevice and ledge in sequence up a 3000′ cliff.

Alex Honnold’s astounding accomplishments in climbing stand as a testament to what is possible. Whether you want to be a better parent, be more effective at work, win a World Championship in BJJ, or free solo El Capitan, the steps to success are the same.

  1. Dream Big. You’ve got to have a vision of where you’re headed, and believe in your ability to get there.
  2. Plan Well. You must develop a well thought-out plan of action.
  3. Work Hard. You need to put in the time & effort necessary to be prepared.
  4. Execute with Confidence. The first three steps fine-tune your ability and reinforce your belief to make your dream a reality – GO FOR IT!

What are you waiting for?

See you on the mat.

Tick-Tock, Tick-Tock

“Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
Fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way.
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way.”


– Pink Floyd, 1973.

Where does the time go? I’m still trying to wrap my head around this one. My oldest daughter, the apple of my eye, cutie pie side kick who went everywhere with me, is graduating from High School. We used to be attached at the hip; she rode in the stroller on my early morning runs, flew co-pilot while running errands, and often sat on my hip as I carried her around while teaching others to kick and punch. Now she’s busy wrapping up her senior year, applying to college, and hanging out with her friends.

The clock is ticking people, and whether we like it or not, it just keeps on going. When we’re young, we have a false sense of forever, of having all the time in the world, and it’s not until we get a bit more experience under our belts that we start to understand how little time we have. The older we get the more we realize how important it is to make the most of the time you’ve got.

Time Management 101

I’d love to tell you I’m a master at time management, but it would be a lie. I’m often scrambling to keep up with all the things daily life throws at me. I rejoice when I near a 80% success rate in completing the week’s to-do list.

I’d love to blame the plethora of mundane tasks I do daily like washing dishes, vacuuming, mopping, and scrubbing toilets. I could point to all the time spent on even more pressing matters like keeping the lawn mowed and hedges trimmed to the satisfaction of the god-forsaken HOA. Let’s not forget the hours of schlepping the girls to-and-from school and all of their extra-curriculers – like an Uber driver – but for free. Finally, I could top off the list of excuses with all the truly exciting events that come with raising three daughters: attending all of the plays, ballet performances, open houses, and track meets.

I could self diagnose myself as having attention deficit disorder, bouncing from thing to thing, ala David Spathaky, the world record holder in plate spinning, but this wouldn’t be true either. An honest, proactive evaluation leaves me with one undeniable, yet simple answer: I need to work on my self-discipline.

First Things First

I need to do a better job of staying in Quadrant II, by avoiding Quadrants III and IV. This will enable me to spend less time in Quadrant I, thereby being more efficient with the time that I have. See? It’s simple.

If you know exactly what that last paragraph was about, you’ve already learned about, or even read, Stephen R. Covey’s book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. In my opinion this is a must-read for anybody interested in being better. His time-management system of four quadrants is a great way to break down activities, and best organize one’s time.

Stephen Covey’s Time Management Matrix

Some of the time we spend in the first Quadrant is unavoidable. Important things come up which need our immediate attention. If we find ourselves constantly stuck in Quadrant I, however, there’s a good chance that we’re not spending enough time prepping and planning in advance. (Quadrant II) Proper planning and preparing should minimize the number of things we need to do last minute, freeing up time for the unforeseen emergencies that do arise.  

I am guilty of the simple pleasures that come from participating in quadrant four. This is where our whimsical wants of the moment drag us down, fill up our precious time, and keep us from accomplishing what is truly important. I love to read, and while it’s easy to justify it in the name of self improvement, the real issue is whether that reading is more important than the other things that I’ve made a priority. As Covey so succinctly states in his third habit, “Put first things, first.”

We need to quantify the importance of any given activity based on our priorities and goals. This is where that life plan, or roadmap becomes critical. It is important if it’s part of our plan. Otherwise it needs to be moved down the list of priorities.

I already know what I need to work on – I’ve read the book – and you should, too.

I hope to see you on the mat.


Pink Floyd. “Time.” Dark Side of The Moon, TRO Hampshire House Publishing Corp. 1973.

Covey, Stephen R. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Restoring the Character Ethic. Simon and Schuster, 1989.

Covey, Stephen R. “Habit 3: Put First Things First.” Franklin Covey.com, Franklin Covey Co., 2018, https://www.franklincovey.com/the-7-habits/habit-3.html.

Where Are You Going?

Back in college, my friends and I took a few weekend road trips on nothing more than a whim and a shoestring budget. We didn’t know where we were headed other than “west until we hit the Pacific,” or “somewhere north of the Canadian border.” The haphazard nature of those come-what-may adventures was a lot of fun, and made for some fond memories. They were a great way of blowing off a little juvenile steam, while simultaneously celebrating the freedom of our youth.

Fast forward to our family’s recent month-long trip to Europe. Traveling with three children is no simple task in and of itself, but for an entire month throughout France, Germany, and the Czech Republic? This journey took months of meticulous planning and advanced reservations – but it was well worth it. We were able to cover over 3000 km (1865 miles) without feeling harried. We took in the iconic sights of Paris, ferried up the Rhein river and hiked in the Bavarian Alps. We stood in Roman ruins in Trier and toured the medieval town of Rothenburg. We explored the castle in Prague, and stood with one foot on each side of the line where a wall once separated East- from West-Berlin.

It should be apparent that the first model, while exciting in it’s spontaneous and unrestricted nature, is a pretty ineffective method of living out our daily lives. Accomplishing great endeavors requires some forethought and planning. (Anybody that has traveled with kids knows exactly what I mean.) Yet there are folks who have never sat down and made a life plan; they’ve never invested the time and effort to think about what they really want and what they must do to make it a reality!

Begin with the end in mind.

We’re always asking children, “what do you want to be when you grow up?” We need to sit down and ask ourselves the same question. Seriously. The first step in getting anywhere is knowing where we’re headed, both in the short term and for the long haul.

In his seminal work, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey asks us to consider our own funeral. If there were to be four speakers from different spheres of your life, i.e. family, friends, professional, and community, what would you like them to say about you?

“Now think deeply. What would you like each of these speakers to say about you and your life? What kind of husband, wife, father or mother would you like their words to reflect? What kind of son or daughter or cousin? What kind of friend? What kind of working associate?

What Character would you like them to have seen in you? What contributions, what achievements would you want them to remember? Look carefully at the people around you. What difference would you like to have made in their lives?”

Stephen R. Covey, (1989)

This exercise can help us recognize the root of our character, and what is truly important to us. Ultimately, this is our life’s work – our destination. All of our other goals, whether related to family, fame, or fortune, should align with this conceptualization of who we want to be.

Accomplishing tremendous undertakings is really just a number of smaller more manageable tasks chained together over time. Our life simply becomes a matter of making a good plan or detailed map of how we’re going to get to where we’re headed. We just have to decide where it is we wish to go. We must begin with the end in mind.

“Life is so strange, when you don’t know your destination.”

Missing Persons, 1982.