Weekly Blog

Epidemic Du Jour

We’ve all seen the headlines, and it seems there is always something in the news of epidemic proportions. Like the proverbial broken clock, the media gets it right now and then, but most of the time, the only epidemic is the their hyperbolic use of the term. The media fans the flames of fear at every opportunity in a population of parents already suffering from a bad case of what authors Greg Lukianoff and Jonathan Haidt (2018) term “safetyism.” Sadly, bullying has been no exception. A quick google search of bullying statistics would lead one to believe our children are under assault in schools rife with bullies. Being skeptical, I can’t help but wonder if such fear-mongering is warranted.

The hyped-up epidemic of bullying in our schools.

How could it be that within the context of an ever more peaceful society (all forms of violent crime in the U.S. have been on the decline since the mid 1990’s) our children are becoming more aggressive? The answer is simple: they’re not. The numbers telling us there’s an epidemic are due to a semantic shift rather than a degradation of childhood behavior. The bullying of the past has been replaced by a newer, expanded version.

“The explosion we’re seeing in bullying is due to our expanded definition of it, not to a shift in behavior, and this fact alone should serve to calm us all down.”

– Susan Porter, PhD (2013)

In his paper Concept Creep: Psychology’s Expanding Concepts of Harm and Pathology, Nick Haslam discusses how the concept of bullying has expanded to include a more broad range of behaviors. Dan Olweus originally proposed that bullying involves aggressive or otherwise negative actions directed towards a child by one or more other people. Three elements distinguish it from other similar behaviors – bullying is:

  1. intentional
  2. repetitive
  3. carried out in the context of a power imbalance.

Over the past three decades the definition has expanded to include cyber bullying, and workplace bullying, and incorporated the relational or social bullying we see in the new & improved version. It has also loosened it’s emphasis on all three of the core elements. Notice that the Federal definition never mentions intent, and the negative actions need only have the potential to happen more than once. The power imbalance was traditionally “understood primarily in terms of size, age, or number, as when one child was victimized by a group,” thus “making it difficult for victims to defend themselves.” Now it has grown to include more subjective standards such as the perceived peer-group status, popularity, or even self-confidence. (Haslam, 2016)

Consider…. While picking up my daughter from school recently, I saw a brief exchange between her and a couple friends. While she was talking to friend (A), another friend (B) came up and asked her if she’d like to play at recess the next day. She replied that she was planning on playing with A, at which point, B walked away in tears, because she didn’t want to play with A. This also happened a number of times last year (repetitive), my daughter is popular (power imbalance, albeit perceived), and she excluded somebody (social bullying). By definition, this is bullying behavior, and as such warrants a heavy-handed response. Seriously?!

This semantic glitch is convoluting the public discourse with well-intentioned, but ultimately harmful anti-bully hysteria. It conflates a broad range of phenomena, as I discussed here and here, most of which are not pathological, but simply developmental. If we are serious about helping today’s youth, we need to step back and recognize the difference.

More on this next week…

Until then, see you on the mat.

image credit: Alexander Sidorov

Haidt, T. & Lukianoff, G. (2018). The Coddling of the American Mind: How Good Intentions and Bad Ideas Are Setting Up a Generation for failureNew York, NY: Penguin Press.

Haslam, N. (2016). Concept Creep: Psychology’s Expanding Concepts of Harm and Pathology. Psychological Inquiry, 27(1). Retrieved from: https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=2690955

Porter, S. (2013). Bully Nation: Why America’s Approach to Childhood Aggression is Bad for Everyone. St. Paul, MN: Paragon House

What is Bullying?

The Federal government, via their StopBullying.gov website, defines bullying as “unwanted, aggressive behavior among school aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time.” (click here to read the definition in its entirety.) Try teaching that to a group of elementary school children! Indeed, even adults struggle with clearly understanding what constitutes bullying. Yet before we can seriously address an issue, we have to understand what it is.

Just joking around, rough housing, or bullying?

Much of the confusion comes from the fact that what society has tried to define as Bullying is in reality an entire spectrum of different, but often related, phenomena. The spectrum of behaviors spans from being inconsiderate to defamation, from rough housing to assault, from mean to sociopathic. The Venn diagram below is an attempt to give clarity to the federal definition – to more precisely delineate the different phenomena using the current vernacular, with a couple slight modifications. The physical is represented by purple spheres, the verbal, or Communicative, by blue, and Social, or Relational, by green.
bullying venn 3

Consider that teasing, name-calling, taunting, and rude hand gestures, as well as hitting, pushing, pinching, and tripping are listed as bullying behaviors on the Federal site. How does the joking around and rough housing of childhood become symptomatic of pathological behavior? One way to distinguish between healthy play and having gone too far is the willingness of the participants. Once verbal acts are “unwanted,” they could be viewed as rude and inconsiderate. Unwanted physical acts, on the other hand, become assault.

The acts labeled Social, or Relational, Bullying are different than the other two in that there isn’t really an acceptable level. Telling others not to be friends with someone, spreading rumors about someone, and embarrassing someone in public are all rude and inconsiderate. Purposely leaving someone out seems to be the exception – are people really expected to invite everybody to their party?

What transforms these otherwise typical human behaviors from rude & inconsiderate into bullying is three-fold. Rude, or inconsiderate behavior becomes bullying when: (1) there is an imbalance of power,(real or perceived) (2) the behaviors happen repeatedly, (or could be) AND (3) it is intentional. (note: intentionality was part of the earliest definitions of bullying, but is missing from the current official definition)

“I suppose it is tempting, if the only tool you have is a hammer, to treat everything as if it were a nail.”

-Abraham  Maslow (The Psychology of Science)

It should be apparent that there is no simple, one-size-fits-all fix for such a multifaceted issue. It is a detrimental mistake to lump so many common juvenile behaviors under the pathological umbrella Bullying. A sincere proposal to teach our children how to deal with all of this must therefore acknowledge the full-spectrum of what we term bullying, accurately differentiate between phenomena, and develop an age-appropriate set of skills for dealing with each.

More on this topic next week…

Until then, see you on the mat.

image credit: Acoso escolar

Throwing Out the Baby

October is upon us, and with it comes the fall weather, and the knowledge that Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas are right around the corner. Indeed, we’re already seeing it in the marketplace as vendors stock their shelves with seasonal holiday products too far in advance. (Santa will be on the shelf before our kids have finished trick-or-treating.) October is also National Bullying Prevention Month, so we’re sure to be bombarded in the media with scary statistics, and anecdotal tales, while those professing to have a fix peddle their wares.

As a parent and a martial art instructor, I want to know the facts in order to best prepare my children and students for the world in which we live. For the month of October, our posts will be an attempt to add some clarity on the subject of bullying.

In his paper Concept Creep: Psychology’s Expanding Concepts of Harm and Pathology, Nick Haslam discusses how concepts like bullying have been expanded to “encompass a much broader range of phenomena than before.” They are extended outward to include new phenomena and downward to include less extreme phenomena. Potential benefits of such expansion include recognizing formerly tolerated negative behavior as problematic, and increased sensitivity to others suffering or maltreatment. There are, however, a number of problems that come with this expansion.

Some Bullies tease, but not all teasing is bullying.

Teasing is one of the casualties in the ever-expanding definition of Bullying. The two are often used synonymously in the media and much of the available “anti-bully” literature. This semantic overlap has led to much confusion and mis-information for parents. It is also a headache for teachers and school administrators. As they work to establish legally mandated “learning environments free from distractions,” they create so-called zero-tolerance policies regarding bullying. In other words, NO TEASING ALLOWED.

There is an extensive body of academic literature studying the many cultural facets of teasing and it’s beneficial role in human communication. As explained by Kruger, Gordon, and Kuban (2006),

“To be sure, some teasing is designed with the sole purpose of hurting, humiliating, or harassing the target of the tease. But often, individuals tease to flirt, socialize, play, enhance social bonds, teach, entertain (themselves, the target, or an audience), or to express affiliation, affection, and even love (p. 412).”

In The Good, the Bad, and the Borderline: Separating Teasing from Bullying (2009), Mills and Carwile thoroughly discuss teasing, it’s relationship to bullying, and it’s value as a communicative device. While teasing can be used by bullies in a negative, aggressive manner, teasing also plays a very beneficial roll in our interpersonal interactions. For a more in-depth look click here.

Teasing is very nuanced, utilizing humor, innuendo, sarcasm, and irony to indirectly communicate the intended message. Even as adults we oftentimes misinterpret the intent of someone’s witty or sarcastic quips. How can our children grow into strong, high-functioning adults, if they aren’t given the opportunity to develop this skill?

Rather than eliminating all forms of teasing in a misguided attempt of protecting our children, as parents and educators we need to do the hard work of distinguishing between the positive, beneficial forms and the negative. We need to allow children the opportunity to fine-tune these skills themselves, and help guide them through the sometimes murky waters of human communication. This understanding will make them stronger, more resilient, and more safe, enabling them to more effectively discern healthy human interaction from the threat of a bully. Otherwise, we’re just throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

See you on the mat.

image credit: stopbullying.gov


Haslam, N. (2016).  Concept Creep: Psychology’s Expanding Concepts of Harm and Pathology, Psychological Inquiry, 27(1). Retrieved from: https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=2690955

Kruger, J., Gordon, C., & Kuban, J. (2006). Intentions in teasing: When ‘‘just kidding’’ just isn’t good enough. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 90, 412􏰀425.

Mills, C. B. (2009, April). Communication Education. Retrieved from: https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Carol_Bishop_Mills/publication/263612607_The_Good_the_Bad_and_the_Borderline_Separating_Teasing_from_Bullying/links/58a72725a6fdcc0e078ae9c7/The-Good-the-Bad-and-the-Borderline-Separating-Teasing-from-Bullying.pdf

Grappling With Your Ego

I absolutely love Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, as a practitioner and as a teacher. It is a powerful martial art which can help us come to grips with who we are, both on the mat and off. As Joe Hyams so eloquently wrote in Zen in the Martial Arts,

A dojo is a miniature cosmos where we make contact with ourselves – our fears, anxieties, reactions, and habits. It is an arena of confined conflict where we confront an opponent who is not an opponent but rather a partner engaged in helping us understand ourselves more fully. It is a place where we can learn a great deal in a short time about who we are and how we react in the world. The conflicts that take place inside the dojo help us handle conflicts that take place outside.”

Part of the beauty of BJJ is randori, free-sparring, or what we normally refer to as simply “rolling.” The nature of the art allows us to go all-out with our partners every class, and with minimal risk of injury. This assures that our technique is effective, while also honing the psychological requirements of combat. This is when we get to let loose our inner-child and just play.

Naturally, competition demands an emotional investment on the part of the participants. Thus, we’re jubilant when successfully executing a new technique, coming to a higher level of understanding, or “getting the tap,” but on the flip-side, can find ourselves greatly frustrated, or even angry, with our apparent lack of progress, when we find ourselves continually tapping on the receiving end.

Tap early, tap often, and train longer! We all want to win, but it’s vital that we learn to check our ego. Realize that even when we tap, we are still working toward whatever goal we’ve set. In fact, not tapping can be counterproductive – if we’re sidelined with an injury because we didn’t want to lose, we’re not making any progress on any level.

“I never lose. I either win or learn.”

– Nelson Mandela

Often our competitive nature leads us to hold out too long when defending against an arm-bar or choke. If our partner has the submission sunk in, and we’ve exhausted our counters/escapes, we’re better off tapping and moving on rather than trying to just power through. While strength and sheer will are both powerful attributes, unless we’re training for an upcoming competition, relying solely on them means we’re not developing the technical side of our game.

Don’t lose sight of the bigger picture. We all have our reasons for training: fitness, self-defense, sport, camaraderie, martial art, etc.. Our purpose and goals for training must align with our changing lifestyles, and our obligations to family and profession. As we get older, we must also adapt to our body’s shifting needs and capacity. Just as we refine our jiujitsu “game,” so too must we learn to modify our expectations and find a healthy balance between family, work, and BJJ.

Brazilian jiu jitsu reminds us to celebrate victory with a bit of humility, while accepting defeat with dignity. Our wins come not only from our own efforts, but from the help of our teammates and guidance of our coaches. Tapping from our “mistakes,” gives us the opportunity to learn, and to continue pursuing our goals with intensity.

See you all on the mat!

Beware the Gonna’s

“Often we are caught in a mental trap of seeing enormously successful people and thinking they are where they are because they have some special gift. Yet a closer look shows that the greatest gift that extraordinarily successful people have over the average person is their ability to get themselves to take action.”

-Anthony Robbins

We all have dreams and aspirations of who we’d like to be or where/how we’d like to live. We’re also fortunate enough to live in a time and place where the opportunity to actually achieve those dreams is available to anybody willing to put in the work. Yet there are those who spend their days trudging in mediocrity, waiting for their dreams to magically come to fruition. These poor souls get trapped by the bad habit of “I’m gonna.”

“When I’m older, I’m gonna be rich.”

“I’m gonna travel the world one of these days.”

“Once I’m not so busy, I’m gonna start working out.”

Days become weeks, weeks become years, and before they know it, they’re older but no richer, still financially unable to travel, and still too busy to start working out.

If we truly wish to turn our dreams into reality, it is vital that we take action.

“The critical ingredient is getting off your butt and doing something. It’s as simple as that. A lot of people have ideas, but there are few who decide to do something about them now. Not tomorrow. Not next week. But today. The true entrepreneur is a doer, not a dreamer.”

Nolan Bushnell

Ready, Aim, Fire!

Why wait? Turn your dream into a goal, and make a plan on how to achieve it. Then get busy. Don’t think you have the time? Surely you can find ten minutes somewhere – any progress forward is more than none. Move!

Ready, Fire, Aim!

Too often we get stuck planning, trying to cover every contingency for the fear of failure. Not sure where to start? Start anyway; you can adjust as you go. Look around you for inspiration or a mentor.

Dream big – and then take action. You deserve it.

Know Your Enemy

“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.” – Sun Tzu

One of the reasons most of us train in the martial arts is self defense. We want to know what to do in the event someone tries to harm us. There are other threats to our well being besides so-called bad guys, and any serious look at self defense would be remiss if it didn’t address these very real threats. While we are taking steps to protect ourselves from being the victims of violence, we should also consider how to prevent becoming victims of poor lifestyle choices, and the chronic diseases that follow.

Of the top 10 causes of death in the U.S. (this holds true world-wide) violent crime doesn’t even make the list. There were 13,455 homicides in the U.S. in 2015, the most recent year for which we have the statistics on chronic disease. The FBI just came out with the 2016 crime statistics, which sadly show another increase, with 15,070 homicides.To be fair, it should be noted that these numbers only represent the worst outcome of violence (death). More often than not, victims of violent crime survive. A more accurate number to compare, therefore, is total violent crimes, which in 2016 came to 1,248,185. In a country with a population of 323,127,513, that works out to about 386 incidents per 100,000 people.

Compare that to just five of the top ten killers in the U.S., namely, heart disease, cancer, chronic lower respiratory diseases, stroke, and diabetes. Over 1.5 million United States citizens succumbed to these killers in 2015. This number only represents those who died. It’s estimated that nearly 1 out of 2 people are suffering with at least one chronic illness! That’s about 50,000 cases per 100,000 people.

The World Health Organization (WHO) further estimates that up to 80% of heart disease, stroke, and type 2 diabetes, as well as 40% of cancer could be prevented by eliminating the risk factors. Even if we were to take a much more conservative approach, say just 10%, that still works out to 144,963 lives saved in one year. Four of the major risk factors are things we have complete control over: lack of physical activity, poor nutrition, tobacco use, and excessive alcohol consumption.

Boil all these numbers down and we’re left with this realization. For every victim of a violent crime in the U.S., there are 130 people with a chronic illness, and up to 103 of those could be prevented simply by living a healthy lifestyle!

If we’re serious about protecting ourselves and our families, training in the martial arts is a big part of the picture. It can give us the physical skills, and the mental capacity to “take care of business.” Here’s a five point plan to help us build our bodies like a fortress, ready to defend against all adversaries, including the ravages of chronic disease.

  1. Train like a warrior every day.
  2. Eat a healthy diet with an emphasis on vegetables, fruits, nuts, and lean meats.
  3. Avoid highly processed, sugary foods with little nutritional value, smoking, and drinking alcohol in excess.
  4. Drink a lot of water.
  5. Get plenty of sleep.

By choosing to live an active, healthy lifestyle we are developing the most powerful self defense skills we can.

You’re Right

The human condition is fascinating; our capacity is unfathomable. Consider for a moment what we have accomplished over the past 1000 years. Science has given us a much better understanding of the world we live in, while technology has made our lives easier. We have 24/7 access to clean, safe drinking water, nearly an unlimited amount of food, and flush toilets. We have developed some of the most fair and equitable socio-economic systems ever witnessed in human history. Our understanding of health and medicine enables us to save lives formerly lost to accidents and disease. Every child in every modern society has access to a decent education. Athletes continue to break barriers and accomplish “the impossible.” For crying out loud, we put a man on the moon!

With all of this success, with all of the collective knowledge we have attained as a species, there is still great disparity in the human experience. There are people who own luxury homes and yachts, while others live in the streets. Entrepreneurs build multi-billion dollar businesses, and others can’t find a job. World-class athletes are breaking records and defying the possible, simultaneouly the U.S. is witnessing an epidemic of obesity and all of the health problems that come with it. Why can so many individuals living in the same time and place experience such varying levels of success?

“Whether you think you can, or think you can’t – you’re right.”

– Henry Ford

While there are a multitude of factors leading to such diversity, (or disparity depending on your perspective) there are but a handful of traits common to those who are successful. One of the most powerful is recognizing our individual agency. Ford’s message isn’t just an over-simplified, positive affirmation; it’s acknowledging that what you focus on matters. You can either emphasize the things that stand in your way, or what you’re going to do about it.

Ask anybody in the fitness industry and they will confirm this observation: people can create a long list of well thought-out excuses as justification for avoiding the very thing they know they should be doing. All of the worldly expertise in nutrition and exercise can be neutralized with the simple declaration, “I can’t because <insert excuse du jour>.”

“God grant me the serenity 
To accept the things I cannot change; 
Courage to change the things I can; 
And wisdom to know the difference.”

-Reinhold Neibuhr

What are you going to do about it?

Take a moment to consider the monumental achievements of your human family. Realize that you, too, have the capacity for greatness. Identify your goals, and DON’T MAKE EXCUSES. Just get busy doing what you know you should.

See you on the mats!

Water

“Water its living strength first shows,
When obstacles its course oppose.”

– Johanne Wolfgang von Goethe; God, Soul, and World – Rhymed Distichs

Water is essential to life here on planet Earth. We humans can go weeks without food (contrary to popular belief), but only a few days without water. We use it to grow crops, and have harnessed it’s kinetic energy to produce electricity. We also use it for recreation, swimming in our pools, water skiing on lake Folsom, or surfing in Santa Cruz. Water can be therapeutic, whether we enjoy soaking in a hot bath, or being mesmerized by the rhythm of waves lapping on the beach.

Authors and poets wax eloquent on the many wonders of water, while philosophers utilize it in allegory and maxim. Often, such artistry is used to convey an important life-lesson. For example, the ancient Chinese text of the Tao Teh Ching tells us,

“Nothing in the world is weaker or gentler than water.
But nothing exceeds it at conquering the hard and strong.
That is because nothing displaces it.
That the weak overcomes the strong,
And the gentle overcomes the hard,
Is something that everyone knows
But no one can put into practice.

Tao Teh Ching, 78. Translated by A. S. Kline. (2003)

This passage provides us with some beautiful imagery. It is also a perfect example of a logical fallacy. Water may very well be “soft and yielding,” but it isn’t these characteristics which enable it to accomplish such a feat. Water renders seemingly indestructible mountains to mere grains of sand over an unfathomable amount of time by slowly, imperceptibly etching away at them. It would be more accurate to ascribe water the human characteristic of persistence or perseverance.

“A river cuts through rock
 not because of its power but because of its persistence.”

– Jim Watkins, Author

It is hard to imagine, but the reality is that even the mighty Sierra-Nevada mountains will eventually be reduced to rubble by the erosion of the water flowing down its streams and rivers.

The Grand Canyon, courtesy of the Colorado River, and 5-6 million years.

If we wish to be successful in great endeavors, whether it’s our career, our family, or our jiu jitsu, we must remind ourselves that our progress is often imperceptible; in this manner we are like water. While we might feel like we’re not getting it, or that we’ve plateaued, so long as we keep flowing along, we are indeed etching away at that granite.

See you on the mat.


Tzu, Lao. Tao Teh Ching. Translated by A. S. Kline, Poetry in Translation, 2003.

Don’t Quit!

The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack of will.

-Vince Lombardi

We are emotional beings. Indeed, we hold our emotions in such high regard that we’re advised to “follow our heart,” and to “pursue our passion.” While being happy, getting angry, and feeling sad are all part of a healthy human experience, it’s beneficial to remember their ephemeral nature; our feelings come and go, being strong one day, and diminished the next. Allowing these powerful, ever-changing forces to direct our daily actions can be a recipe for disaster, if we allow them to distract us from our chosen course.

Any great accomplishment in life requires a lot of time and effort. Sports provide the perfect example. To become a world-champion takes years of hard work, day-in, day-out, practicing the same moves again, and again, for hours every day. Such intense training means there will be injuries and set-backs. It also requires sacrificing time with family and friends. Such redundancy, difficulty, and sacrifice means that even the most dedicated athlete will experience days or even weeks when they just don’t feel like it. Yet, the victorious find a way to push through these periods.

“Winners never quit, and quitters never win.”

-Vince Lombardi

This past weekend, Simone Biles won her sixth record-tying, all-around title at the U.S. Gymnastics Championships. Not only did she win in resounding fashion, but she nailed two, never-before moves. She did a double-double (two flips & two twists) dismount off of the beam, and she pulled off a triple-double on her floor routine – both firsts for women’s gymnastics! Many are calling her the greatest of all time.

In the 2016 Olympics Ms. Biles and her fellow teammates Gabby Douglas, Laurie Hernandez, Madison Kocian, and Aly Raisman made up the Final Five. This powerhouse of a team dominated the competition bringing home the Gold in the team event, while also medaling in each and every individual event as well. Their memoirs are the stuff of legend; each of them experienced difficulty, and dealt with the trials & tribulations so common in great endeavors, yet persevered to succeed.

The Final Five, Agência Brasil Fotografias [CC BY 2.0]

Gabby Douglas, for example, wanted to quit leading up to the 2012 London Games. She wrote to her mother,

“Gymnastics is not my passion anymore. I want to get famous off of running track, or I want to try dancing, or become a singer. I can get a job at Chick-Fil-A in Virgiia Beach and live off the 14 grand I just won at world Championships. I just want to be a normal teenage kid.”

– Gabby Douglas, Grace, Gold, and Glory: My Leap of Faith

Gabby, however, went on to compete in those Olympic Games. She and her teammates won Gold in the team event. She became the first woman of color to win the individual all-around, and the first american gymnast to win both the team event and individual in the same Olympics!

It’s o.k. to feel like quitting – just don’t quit!

It is normal to have moments of doubt, to feel like quitting – especially when the endeavor is a long, arduous one. Whether it’s gymnastics, working an a college degree, a job, or training in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, the key is recognizing this feeling for what it is, then re-focus on one’s goals, and stay the course! Greatness could be just around the corner.

See you on the mat.


Learn more about these amazing athletes in their own words….

Biles, Simone. Courage to soar: a body in motion, a life in balance. Grand Rapids, Michigan: Zondervan, 2016.

Douglas, Gabby. Grace, Gold, and Glory: my leap of faith. Grand Rapids, Michigan: Zondervan, 2012.

Hernandez, Laurie. I Got This: to gold and beyond. New York, NY: Harper, an imprint of HarperCollins Publishers, 2017.

Raisman, Aly. Fierce: how competing for myself changed everything. New York, NY: Little, Brown and Company, 2017.

Strength through Adversity

“Sometimes you’re the hammer, and sometimes you’re the nail.”

– anonymous

Everybody who trains in Brazilian Jiujitsu gets it. There are those days when everything “clicks.” Our defense seems impenetrable, and our offense unstoppable. We are the hammer. Then there are those days when nothing seems to work. Our opponents pass our guard like the proverbial hot knife through butter, and we spend the day on the run, while fine-tuning our arsenal of various tap-outs. We are the nail.

This is the nature of Jiu Jitsu: we are continually pushing our limits, as we work to build a better, stronger self. In order to improve, we need to fine-tune our strengths and improve our weaknesses; we need strong partners to train with and put those skills to the test. Just as one needs both a hammer AND nails to build a house, we need to experience the full spectrum of training in order to build ourselves.

In this regard, BJJ is analogous to our daily lives, where we will experience both success and failure. We must learn to rejoice in our victories with a bit of gratitude and humility. We should enjoy the rewards of our successes, while being grateful for the people and circumstances that helped us get there.

On the flip side, it’s important to remember that we can survive those times when things don’t go as planned. , We should appreciate the learning opportunity our defeats provide. Indeed, even when it seems our life is in a total shambles, so long as we persevere, we will do more than merely survive; we will be stronger. Adversity provides the most empowering lessons of all. As Nassim Nicholas Taleb points out in his book Antifragile: Things That Gain From Disorder:

“Antifragility is beyond resilience or robustness. The resilient resists shocks and stays the same; the antifragile gets better.”

– Nassim Nicholas Taleb

Whether you’re the hammer or the nail, embrace the grind. You’ll be that much better because of it.

See you on the mat.